I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sarcasm needs its own font
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize