I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
