What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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