Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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