Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
