Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
