The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
