just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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