i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
