So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
