Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
