My friends, they love my intelligence
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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