i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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