for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
