tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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