I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Green mimosas i think yes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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