If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
