Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The uberlube is also flammable
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
