I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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