and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
