JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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