i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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