Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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