My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So here I am, sexting at work.
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