Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
