Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
