just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
