Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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