Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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