No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
