I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
