Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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