I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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