Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
