i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
