He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
