you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
