I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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