Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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