Have you finally orgasmed yet?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
