remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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