if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
