he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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