She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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