You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your penis caused this!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize