So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
