Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My feet surprised me
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