People in love make me want to vomit
Everything about him screamed your future.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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