I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
