here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
