the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You were trust falling into bushes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
