Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
