I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
