I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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