She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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