I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
