She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
