lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
