Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
