Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
