When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
