She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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