Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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