We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
