he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
