I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
