If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
