It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
