Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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