Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
