It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize