Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
