Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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