Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need moral support for this bender
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
