Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
