Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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