I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize