then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
