I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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