I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
