she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
