apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just high enough for therapy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
