Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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