Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
