in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
