I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
